I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
