he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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