I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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