if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
