I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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