what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
