I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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