You can't special order awesome
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this boner is exhausting
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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