im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ketchup is God's man juice
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
