look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
