we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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