Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
