I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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