i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
