This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
