Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
