Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
