I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
