areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
