cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
