I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
