Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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