i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
