He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
