Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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