my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
