oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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