ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
