Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize