i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
