what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Semen is not good for contacts.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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