Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
