Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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