Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
