I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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