I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
