I've blown a few things in my day
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
