no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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