everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
