Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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