How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
