I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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