were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
