you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
