and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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