I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We got so high we made milksteak
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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