There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
