i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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