if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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