you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
