This is not my ceiling
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
