I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
