I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
