whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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