did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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