fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
