THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
