omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
