i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
