I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize