Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
honey bunches of taint.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
