we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
