She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
