I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm too high and old for this...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
