i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
