No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
