Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
