Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
