I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize