Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
