suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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