remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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