ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
