We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
