Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
