you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
time to smoke my breakfast
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
