dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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