I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
These tits shall not be calmed
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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